I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
