yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
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