just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Randomize
