I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
