Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Randomize
