am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
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