I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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