Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
