apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
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