Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
How external is "for external use only"?
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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