I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
