im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
this beer tastes like vomit already
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
