Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
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