The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
she told me i tasted like america
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
