community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Randomize
