where does the pee come out of this thing
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Randomize
