He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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