I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
