She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
