yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Randomize
