3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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