There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
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