i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
