I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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