Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
I want to have your abortion
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
