I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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