Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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