mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
