Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Randomize
