i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
You took a bar mat shot.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I smell like Dick and happiness
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
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