haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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