everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
But I just had this pork p�t�. It was dick grabbing.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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