hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
