She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
Sober January is a disaster.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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