I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
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