It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
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