How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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