I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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