Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
