I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
