Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Vodka?
Forever.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
