matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
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