You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
