I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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