Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
