I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize
