he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
