the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Randomize
