im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Randomize
