everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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