I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
be right there i have to get my cape
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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