my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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