Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
