I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
