Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
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