im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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